Rainy Nights Terrible Absences
by ThatRebelKid
Summary: She couldn't sleep when it rained. He really didn't like it when she wasn't there with him. L/J.


It had been a slow process, or maybe it had been a fast one, too fast for her to notice? Either way, it had taken her time to realize she had fallen for him. James had been an arse for practically the majority of their time together, and this sudden change in him surprised her; was so abrupt her mind had hardly anytime to register it. So for some time, she still had the mindset that was he was still a _bloody_ prat. Weeks of daily rounds together, countless conversations, helping out the other, and easing the stress. They had a friendship at last, but still she refused to admit her feelings, even to herself.

In his case, he knew all along what was happening. Loved her too much to look away from it, and was too elated to try to calm her for it. He would be her first love, she had no clue what it was like to fall through such depths of emotion. Scared her, and shook her to the very core. And after finally, building a lasting, healthy friendship with one another he slipped. She overheard him telling Sirius how deep his feelings ran for her. The intensity of it all terrified her.

And then she couldn't sleep.

* * *

**-X-**

She couldn't sleep when it rained.

Lily sighed, as she threw her pillow off of her head, and rolled over. The rain splashed against the glass window, lik ethe sound of rocks slamming against a sheet of metal. The sound, at first, was mildly annoying and progressed to infuriatingly _there. _In which, she couldn't tune it out as she wished she could, and she couldn't just block it out of her mind. The sound was just there, driving her sleep deprived senses to the edge until her pent up frustration gave her leave to swing herself out of bed, down the stairs and into the common room. The raindrops were slightly muted, overpowered by the sound of the crackling fire that roared in the back wall. She sighed, relieved and padded over silently to an overstuffed chair directy in front of it, curling up. She froze as her gaze settled over something that had not immediately warranted her attention when she had first entered the room.

From her seat, the fireplace was to her right, and most of the room was to her left. She had a perfect view more or less, of her surroundings. Including the messy haired boy sitting at the table dozing off, quill in hand, and chin on his forearm. Lily worried her lip between her teeth, running a hand through the tangled strands. _'Bloody hell. He can't sleep like this, its not good for his bloody muscles. He'll be complaining in rounds tomorrow after his Quidditch practice if I sit here and do nothing,'_ her mind reasoned. Bollocks, it must be the sleep that was making her do this. Tugging slightly on a curl, the pain jolting her slightly awake, she gathered herself off the chair and walked over.

His head was resting on his forearm, the quill placed haphazardly in his hand, and his papers cluttered about before him. At a quick glance, she could see he had been attempting to multitask, doing his Potions essay and coming up with new Quidditch plays. A slight smile quirked her lips, and she lightly shook his shoulder.

"Oi, Potter," she muttered quietly under her breath. He didn't respond. She pressed her lips together, and shook him slightly harder. "Potter!" she hissed.

Still nothing.

Cursing, she fumbled for her wand. "_Aguamenti!_" Water shot out from the end of her wand, and to his face. He shot awake, his back hitting the chair with a thump. Lily winced.

James blinked, slightly confused and he glanced down at his papers, his frown deepening. He let out a frustrated breath, and ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. He looked up at her, and nodded. "Thanks, Lily. Need to finish up," his voice drawled sleepily, slightly in monotone.

Lily rubbed the back of her neck, nodding awkwardly, and spun back around in the general direction of her chair. She stopped in the middle of the room, noticing James' mounting agitation, and changed pace to the girls' dormitories instead. She had reached the foot of the staircase when he spoke out to her.

"You've been avoiding me," he said quietly. She swallowed nervously. She hated it when he spoke with that tone of voice. It was when she knew he was deeply affected by something. "And now suddenly you're waking me at three in the morning?"

"I woke you to try to get you to sleep in your _bed_, Potter. I didn't realize you were dozing off doing homework," she replied. Bollocks, bollocks, _bollocks. _He did not have patience, it seemed. This conversation would not do any good.

"I'm off to bed- Potter?!" she yelped, the sounds of books being thrown into a bag surprising her.

James spun around, hazel eyes burning with anger, pinning her in their spot.

"_James,_" he hissed between clenched teeth, flexing his jaw. Lily's throat dried up. He stepped towards her. She couldn't move.

"Five years, Lily. I acknowledge I've been an ass for the most part, but can you see that I've changed? We were actually startng to became close friends, I could tell. You _trusted _me. So excuse me if I still have feelings for you. But they're not easy to stomp out when they've been there for _five years._ All in all, that still gives you no reason to suddenly me shut me out," his voice dipped low, and his chest heaved with effort.

Her breath hitched, and she stumbled back a few steps when he was suddenly too close for her to be dafe. She fell into a chair. His hands grasped the arm rests, and he leaned in.

"I know how you are, I know every reaction you've ever had. Did you really think I wouldn't notice? Spacing off in conversations, slowly sitting farther and farther away in classes, taking different halls, ducking into different crowds; until you're not even there anymore. You're good, Lily. So good, in fact, that if it had been anybody else but me, it would have worked. No doubt you know that," the words were coming out in a rush, as if he needed to get them out now before he loses his nerve, before he let the pain, (you could see it clearly in his eyes now, she thought), wash over him.

"But you can't pull that bullshit around me. I know you too well, and I see you too clearly," he slipped a finger under her chin as she begun to tremble, ( and oh, with the way he was staring, she thought he could see past her.) Her fingers twitched nervously, and she stiffened slightly, trying to anticipate what would come next. She opened her mouth to say something, thought about it, and snapped it close. His eyes flashed with desperation, and sudden;y he was everywhere.

His lips crushed against hers frantically, and though he didn't touch her with anything but his lips, she was pressed into the chair. She responded, and it was like a match to a firework. Everything just sort of exploded into place. Gasping, she parted her lips under him. His tongue slipped inside, and swathed the inside of her mouth heatedly, and soon, they moved in sync to one another. But the kiss was to rough, and jagged. It had all the pent up pain, and all the rejection built up through the previous years. He tore himself away.

"You can't sit there and deny it anymore. If you didn't have feelings for me, if that didn't mean a thing to you, you wouldn't have kissed me back," his voice shook, and he clenched his jaw. His eyes raked over Lily's face, committing it to memory, before turning to the boys' dormitories. Lily sank into the chair defeatedly.

* * *

**-X-**

He couldn't concentrate when she was absent.

Not that it was any different when she was _there, _but at leats when she was present, he wouldn't go half insane. And now that she was absent, (must be a first, he thought), it was driving him up the wall. What the _sodding _hell could she be doing? He clicked his tongue against his cheek in annoyance, and he shrugged off Sirius's look of concern. She wasn't sick, _definitely _not. Though, that was the excuse she was feeding the proffesors. She didn't even _look_ the part, for Merlin's sake. She would walk in the first two minutes of class, get notes and her work, and leave. Without sparing a look at him. That was also a big reason for his foul mood today. So it was back to that, eh? His patience was running on low, these days. With Quidditch matches and practices, the mounting homework and exams, not to mention Head Duties, he didn't have much time for himself. Though he shouldn't have forced her into that kiss last night. He mentally groaned.

Shit.

What the fuck had been going through his mind? Shaking his head, he gathered up his bag and made his way to the Head Common Room. Muttering the password, he stepped into the portrait hole and dumped his stuff on the table beside it. He stretched himself out on the couch, and slung an arm over his eyes. He recognized her footsteps, he didn't need to double check. They were quick, and light.

"So, I thought last night was a dream in which Marilyn Monroe and I were re-enacting a movie scene of two bitter lovers who were wronged," James said slowly, shooting for humor. He didn't need to see her to know she was raising a brow at him. Her green eyes were probably smudged with shadows from lack of sleep, and her flaming red hair was, no doubt (for she always had it like this, he had observed), in a half bun, with curls framing her beautiful facial structure.

"Would have bought the excuse, if you hadn't mentioned my name several times," she drawled lazily, and propped a hip on the table.

"Drat. Picked up on that, did you?" he attempted a smirk, but his face turned serious. "I was being a prick, and I was exhausted and pressured for time, and it was all really bad timing."

He glanced at her finally, her beauty making the breath in his lungs freeze. She would always have that affect on him, he was sure. She shrugged, her eyes looking him over carefully.

"You're as much of a prick as I am, fortunately. I- Potter-," she cut herself off, over thinking it again. A strangled chuckle escaped his throat. "James, I'm sorry. I don't know why you love me, and I don't know why its taken me so long to see that you're not _at all _what I pegged you for," she continued.

"But you're right. I wouldn't have kissed you back if I didn't feel anything for you," she breathed. He froze.

"Lily, what-," and they picked up right where they had left off.

* * *

**-X-**

She couldn't sleep when it rained.

And now, she doesn't want to.

The rain smashed against her windows, and she sighed, making her way down to the living room. James was already curled up on the couch, two mugs of butterbeer in his hands. A smile quirked her lips, and she leaned into his side, taking a large drink from the cup. He smiled widely, and nuzzled her neck slightly. She shivered, the cold seeping in through the windows, and he wrapped an arm around her tightly to keep her warm. She looked up at him, her bright green eyes dancing. "I can't sleep when it rains," she finally said. His smile didn't falter, and his eyes bore into hers. "I know."

In the background, baby Harry let out a muffled cry, and Lily glanced back. James chuckled, and came back with their son cradled in his arms. Lily stole him from James, and mumbled comforting words to him. She rocked him slightly, and James pulled the both of them into his arms. Harry fell asleep once more against her breast, and she kissed James lovingly. He was her best friend, and her husband; the foundation of her life and family. Rainy nights brought her to that one night in Hogwarts that brought her all this.

And he really couldn't stand it when she wasn't with him.

* * *

**It's crappy, whatever. **

**It was an idea I got right before I was going to bed, and nagged me so much, I actually got up and this whole thing happened. **

**No flames, I'm already agonizing myself fover it. **


End file.
